


A Frayed Ending

by Awwjeezitsamy, JohnImNotGayWatson



Series: A Thread With A Thousand Ties [7]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Johnlock Fluff, M/M, Mycroft To The Rescue, Post-Reichenbach, Protective Mycroft, Reichenbach Feels, Reichenbach-Related, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:59:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1867176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awwjeezitsamy/pseuds/Awwjeezitsamy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnImNotGayWatson/pseuds/JohnImNotGayWatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the years John spent with Sherlock, listening to him be rude to people, being rude to him, it stands to reason that he would be somewhat grateful of the peace. But never has John wanted to hear Sherlock's voice quite so badly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Frayed Ending

I went to pick up the milk today. -JW

 

Nothing has changed, I still do everything round here. -JW

 

Its very quiet though. Its maddening. -JW

 

You used to stay silent for days on end. But this time it's different. -JW

 

I still talk to you. Even though I know you aren't there. -JW

 

I sometimes wonder if you can hear me, if the new world is wrong and you're somewhere up there, listening. -JW

 

I don't know why I'm doing this. Texting a dead person's number. Lestrade is worried. -JW

 

Mrs Hudson comes by every hour or so to check I'm not hanging from the ceiling. JW

 

Everyone seems to think I'll do something stupid. I might very well do so. -JW

 

But there's a part of me that thinks you'll be home tomorrow. -JW

 

That's really the only thing that keeps me going. I miss you. -JW

 

Missing you consumes me. It's the only thing I feel now. -JW

 

Also the whiskey. I understand now why you didn't want to feel emotion. -JW

 

It's nice to feel numb, then I don't feel the hole you've left in my life. -JW

 

Mycroft's trying to intervene now. -JW

 

He doesn't understand, he doesn't know what it is to feel. But neither did you, which is why you never saw. -JW

 

Everyone keeps trying to get me to go back to my therapist ever since that last time when it all happened. I just stop answering the door when I hear a knock. -JW

 

My life is literally meaningless without you in it. People fall in love everyday, children are born, everyday. These miracles of life happen constantly, so why can't get mine, my one miracle that I want so very badly. -JW

 

But I can't, can I? I never can. I got fired from the surgery today, apparently I haven't been into work in a month. -JW

 

Not that I would know, time is irrelevant now, if you aren't here to fill. -JW

 

I can't do this anymore. Now Mycroft is coming everyday. -JW

 

He came by today, I said nothing, I just listened. He wants to help me. -JW

 

He's offering me your summer home. He also took my whiskey. Little does he know I had more hidden. -JW

 

Should I go? You'd know what I should do. But then again, if you were here it wouldn't be a problem. JW

 

He made me visit it today. I don't want it, It doesn't feel like you. At least here I can fell you everywhere. -JW

 

221B teems with the life you had here, I can't leave that behind. Can I? -JW

 

Would you want me to? I don't want to. I think Mycroft is going to try to make me. -JW

 

You wouldn't make me do that, so why is he? I won't go. -JW

 

Everyone has clearly moved on. How could they? -JW

 

It's been months, have they forgotten? -JW

 

It seems like it was just yesterday. How could they forget? -JW

 

I can still hear you say it, the last two words I will ever hear you say. -JW

 

I read all of your books. Every single one of them. -JW

 

I don't think I paid a lot of attention to some of them, I focus on your energy that I felt within the covers.- JW

 

Now I wish I hadn't. It feels wrong to have touched your stuff. You used to always yell at me for doing it. Forgive me? -JW

 

I know you'd forgive me, you always did. You would shout to start with, but you would always forgive me. -JW

 

That's one of the things I love about you. But everything somehow gets ruined for me. -JW

 

I do, you know? I do love you, I never told you. -JW

 

Now I know I should have. I missed my chance. I doubt you would have stayed even if I did. -JW

 

I'm sorry I haven't texted you in a month, I was working with Mycroft. It was failed attempt to get me away from you. I'm so sorry. -JW

 

I went through some of our stuff. I couldn't handle it. -JW

 

Lestrade brought me the birthday video you taped for me. I did always love it when you winked. -JW

 

Mary has had enough of me. She's leaving me like everyone always ends up leaving me. I've tried. I really have truly tried but it isn't enough: Mary, life, nothing is enough. -JW

 

She said that we could be happy, that I could move on from you. But that isn't what I want. -JW

 

She tried to get me out of Baker Street a few months back. She kept confiscating my phone to see if I texted you. -JW

 

She said I was a freak, just before she left, I'm not am I? -JW

 

People still call you a freak. I've gotten into more fights than I can count in just this week. I spend most of my time with Mycroft now. He never leaves. -JW

 

He keeps me in line. I am growing warmer to his icy exterior, he's becoming a friend, not that I would ever tell him. -JW

 

In a way, he reminds me of you. If I said that to your face you would stop talking to me for a week. I wish I could see you. -JW

 

I slept in your jumper last night, you know the only one you own that isn't skin tight. -JW

 

Owned* -JW

 

Sorry, its been a week since I texted you last. Mycroft wanted me to take a vacation with him. Please forgive me. -JW

 

How has it been another week, my phone broke, I spent an hour in the vodafone store trying to get my messages back to my new phone. -JW

 

I'm sorry I'm not texting as often. Things have been coming up. -JW

 

Sometimes I put down my phone and when I pick it up it's been days, I'm sorry, again. Forgive me? -JW

 

Nothings working. I keep trying and trying to get you out. But I can't get you out of my head, -JW

 

I love you so much it knocks the air out of me when think of not seeing you. -JW

 

I don't know how, but missing you is getting worse. Everyone said it was supposed to get better but they lied. Its like waiting to crawl out of the belly of the beast. It doesn't happen. I'm trapped and I can't get out. -JW

 

I'm caged in my own mind, and there is just no way out. -JW

 

I think its time to come to you, yea? -JW

 

I think Mycroft knows what I am planning. He's taken my gun. -JW

 

I have other ways. Why does he think that I would immediately go for a gun? -JW

 

Two weeks! How can it have been two weeks, I found my gun. I suppose Mycroft knew if I wanted it that badly then he should give me it. JW

 

You've been gone over a year and a half now. How could time pass like that? Its traitorous. -JW

 

Why isn't it any easier. Mrs Hudson doesn't even care anymore, she has stopped cleaning the flat. ycroft is the only one left. -JW

 

I can't take this anymore. I want out. I didn't ask for this. -JW

 

What's the point in having a life when there's nothing to put in it. -JW

 

I've decided on a day. Mycroft practically lives with me now, so he'll be hard to work around. -JW

 

But I know he goes to see Greg as often as he can. That happened a few months back, you said they'd be together. -JW

 

Those two are the only ones who apparently haven't given up on me. Well at least they won't have to worry soon. I'll be with you. -JW

 

He proposed! Right in front of me. Should I wait till after their wedding now? -JW

 

That should be us. You were to good to be true. I knew somewhere deep down that it would never last. -JW

 

I would have, you know? I would have bought a ring, and got down on one knee. I'd have told you that you're the only person I have ever truly loved, that you kept me alive just as much as the beat of my heart, then I'd have cried, because I would have known, deep down, that you loved me too, and I'd spend the rest of my life with you. But I can't now. So I shall wait till they are wed, they are only waiting two months. I can do this. Not long now, my love. -JW

 

Tomorrow is their wedding. Not long, I promise. Everyone has left. The game is broken, everyone has cheated and quit and lied and wormed their way onto the board, But now its like a wasteland. Nobody's coming back. I'm the last one standing. I guess that means I win, right? I don't feel as though I won. It feels like everything is ripped from my hands. There is no victories in this game. Just pain, heartbreak, loss, betrayal, and death. Although its not always those choices, but there is the one constant one that follows every living soul. Death consumes us all and I think its consumed me long ago. -JW

 

Twenty-four hours left. You were right, Sherlock. You were always bloody right, but this was one of your most incredible discovery. Your body, my body, they're just vessels. When I was in Afghanistan, I felt pain and saw war, all of which made me forget my own health and focus on trying to help those around me. Then I met you, I was fitter than I have ever been in my life, and I was living, for myself, and no one else. But you left me, alone, and I felt my body decay as it chipped away at my sanity. We're all just vessels that are controlled and warped my love and pain. So when I lost the one an I love and I felt so much pain that I because numb with it, I knew my time was up.  
One last thought before I live out my last day of feeling: If I was right, if I get my miracle and you are alive, know that I love you, and you have given me so much more than you will ever know.  
I was so alone, and you gave me you  
I owe you so much, so I shall give you my life. -JW

 

Its time now. The wedding went smoothly, they are both happy. Mycroft and Lestrade paid me extra attention tonight, I think they know what's going on. My thoughts are a jumbled mess, words and sentences chasing and running and tumbling around each other and its hard to get a hold on one. I am broken, you have shattered me, consumed me until I could no longer function. I can still see you, I can see your knowing smile, the agitated look you carry when I mess up one of your experiments or throw out the head in the fridge. I hear the ghost of your violin, snaking its way into my body and mind and finally coming to a rest in my heart, locked away for none to see but us. I see the phantom of your coat twist away around a corner. Smell, taste, hear, touch, feel. You're all around me. You're in my veins and I cannot get you out. Everyone around me is like a vulture. Clawing, biting, scratching, picking at me until I am nothing but bones. Consumed. We all become consumed. All that's left of me is thoughts of you. The faint skin of dust has settled over me, I don't want to move any more, it's time. I chose the gun, it's in my hand now, all the doors are locked, just me, and you now, nothing is left to say. Sherlock, you have been everything, so for one final time, goodnight, and may the game never stop. -JW

I asked you what you'd say if you knew you were going to die, and said you'd ask for the mercy of God, but here you are, I love you too John Watson, I will see you soon. Because, you got your miracle, but I won't live in a world that you aren't in. -SH

**Author's Note:**

> It didn't seem appropriate to end this one with my signature "good boy"
> 
> Awwjeezitsamy -JW/SH  
> JohImNotGayWatson -JW


End file.
